My Crazy Day ...

Phew, can I just tell you that today, October 26th has been a crazy day?  It has gone from one extreme to the other and then back again.  It's happened so quickly that I've got to just take a moment to process all of it.

I woke up in the morning, doing my usual routine ... getting the kids breakfast, making Joshua lunch, making sure Joshua is dressed, putting the dog outside for her breakfast, making sure Joshua has the right stuff in his backpack, getting dressed, driving Joshua to school, & coming back home.  All this is done in a whopping 20 minutes, why because I don't want to wake up.  I so want to sleep, but alas I cannot because I have responsibilities called Joshua, Sara & Michael (not to mention Guillermo, Hershey and Precious).

So, Guillermo noticed that Hershey was acting strange last night.  She just wasn't herself and we didn't know why.  He was concerned, and rightly so as it turned out.  We talked over & over about what could be wrong, did she eat anything she wasn't suppose to, etc.

When I put Hershey out in the morning, she was a little slow, but I chalked it up to not being fully awake (kinda of like me, you know).  Well, Guillermo went out to check on her and saw she didn't even eat her breakfast (about 10 minutes after I fed her).  Well, that was very unusual.  So Guillermo immediately got on the phone with the vet.

So, I drove Joshua to school, got back home and Guillermo had the younger 2 kids dressed (sweet - I didn't have to do that, thank you Guillermo!).  He was getting ready and said that the vet told him to take her there ASAP.

Guillermo wasn't sure if I wanted to go to the vet with him or not.  Well, after thinking about it, I decided that I really didn't want to sit in the vet's office with Sara & Michael.  It would probably drive me up a wall, so it would be best if we stayed home and waited to hear back from Guillermo.

So the waiting time begins ... I decide to do some household chores.  I must wash Sara's laundry, she's running out of pants and such.  She's been telling me for the last few days that I need to do her laundry because her bin is full.  She's quite happy that I'm washing her stuff, by the way.

Guillermo calls back about an hour later ... he tells me that the vet is running a blood panel test and also an x-ray.  He said that they should have the results within the hour and will either give me a call or him a call.

So I wait some more ... Sara & Michael are starting to fight, so I have them watch some TV to help keep me sane while I wait.  I work a little on my work stuff, updating a spreadsheet that I haven't touched since May (yeah, I'm way behind).  Get some info for an FHA program for my sister's condo to put on her new flyer's.

Next I get the call from the vet.  They tried to call Guillermo 1st, but weren't able to get him and left a message.  So I talk to the doctor and fervently take notes, because I've got to relay the information to Guillermo and my short term memory is terrible and I would forget it all within 5 minutes. 

The news is not good, not good at all.  The vet says that Hershey has a tumor in her liver.  The blood work came back showing that her liver values were high.  They did a quick ultra-sound and it appears that the tumor is just on one side of her liver but that it is deep within her liver.  She also has some sort of fluid in her abdomen as well.

The vet gives us basically 3 options:

1) treat her for the symptoms she came in with ... nausea (wasn't eating), antibiotics (she has a fever, which means possible infection) and some liver supplements.
2) do a discovery biopsy and wait for the results (possibly Thursday)
3) do aggressive surgery and remove the tumor (today if possible because a surgeon is on site today for another patient and could do Hershey's in the afternoon).

Wow!  Wow!  Wow!  Not what I was expecting to hear at all!  Today wasn't going to be a nice normal day any longer, that's for sure!

I called Guillermo to relay all the information that I wrote down.  He then wanted to call the doctor himself to ask more questions and conferenced me in with them.  Guillermo was leaning towards option #3 because Hershey was youngish.  She's only 10 years old and could possible live to 13 to 15 years.

Can I tell you how much the sermon at Cornerstone on Sunday came back to Guillermo & my mind during that phone call?  It's not my stuff ... it's not my dog ... it's not my money ... it all belongs to God!  I am so thankful that God drew us to church on Sunday morning to hear that message! 

God has graciously and generously provided for us all of our lives.  We have not lacked for anything that was critical.  I have seen over & over again how God comes through in amazing ways and provided just in the "nick of time".  Of course, my initial reaction & thought wasn't so very God focused ... it was oh no, I didn't want to spend money on a dog.  I felt like we were finally "getting ahead" somewhat and were able to save the money for our property taxes and we were "good".

Having this expense would cause us to temporarily "dip" into our long-term savings account to cover the surgery.  After all, we have promised each other and God we would never go into debt again with credit cards.  We will not carry a balance.  I relayed these thoughts to Guillermo and said I'm okay taking care of the dog, but you need to be okay with us using the savings to help her.

Guillermo reminded me of the sermon on the phone ... it's not my stuff.  So we waited to get an estimate from the vet, knowing that it's not my money, but God's.  We felt like Hershey deserved a chance to live a longer life.

Truly, my trust in God never failed as we faced this financial choice.  I just felt like, ugh! -  really, we have to spend how much?  So as I was waiting, I was reminded by God that He had a plan and was providing for us and our needs.  It's not immediate, but it's money that will be coming in via my job as a Realtor.  I have clients that are in process of buying a home, that will probably close right around the time the vet bill will be due on the credit card and the property taxes will be due.  While I (we) had other plans in mind for the money, God knew.  He just knew!  His grace is amazing and I'm so thankful that He takes care of Guillermo & I.  While we might not have exactly what we want, I know we have exactly what we need.  He's teaching us to live within our means and to trust Him.  He has never failed us, never!!  We are truly blessed!

Prior to finding out about Hershey's diagnosis, I was actually thinking about Christmas and participating in the Adopt-A-Family program.  I was wondering how many familes we could adopt this year and if we could get families w/small children.  I LOVE helping others at Christmas time and have been teaching my kids that Christmas is not about them and getting presents.  Christmas is about Jesus and serving others.  So having this expense from Hershey did dampen my mood, but then I realized that God will provide and we can still be generous to those in need.  We will just make sure that others are served 1st and then what's left over we have.

So Hershey went into surgery at 2:30pm today.  Got an update from Guillermo & the doctor about the time and everything.  So we wait again.  I get ready to get Joshua & Sara from school.  Michael was actually napping (Praise the Lord!) and not playing, so I sadly had to wake him up to get Joshua.  He was sound asleep, poor guy (it's tough being the 3rd child ... I've decided).

Just as I arrived at school to go into the playground, I get a call from the vet.   The vet calls to inform me that the worst case senario is happening.  Her turmor is terrible, they aren't sure they can remove it completely.  They aren't sure that she will recover.  The tumor is bleeding tremendously (they didn't anticipate that).  The doctor wants us to prepare for the worst and to possible make the decision that if they can't fix the tumor and stop the bleeding then we should have to consider putting her to sleep.  I immediately conference Guillermo in on the call and the vet relays all this information to Guillermo.  That gives me a few minutes to digest all of it.  I was not expecting to wake up this morning and have Hershey die ... we didn't even get to really say good-bye.

Guillermo & I decide that the right decision to do if the surgeon can't remove it all would be to not wake her up.  The doctor said the surgeon would do his best and would continue working, but we should be prepared.  So after the phone call, I look at the time and I have to go get Sara from her class.

Well, more waiting ... We hear back from the vet about 15 mintues later.  Praise the Lord!!!!  Good news, the surgeon was able to remove the entire tumor without injuring an artery or something else.  The bleeding has stopped and everything is being cleaned up and sewn up.  She will be monitored and allowed to slowly wake up.  They will watch her and give her meds overnight.  We will wait and find out in the morning how's she is doing.  The doctor called back about 7pm tonight to say that he was leaving for the evening and he will call back in the morning with an update.  She was doing good though, her red blood cell counts were remaining the same, so that's good news.

I know this is long, and if your still reading this, wow, thank you!  I've just got one more thought that I need to discuss and then I'll be all done, I promise.

So last night I was reading a book called "Becoming More Than A Good Bible Study Girl" by Lysa Terkeurst.  I'm doing a Bible Study with this book and the participant guide.  It's a really good book and last night I was reading the chapters about "in my struggles".  One of the chapters is called "When my ugly comes out".  We've all had those days, weeks, months, etc., where it feels like it's just one thing after another and we start to turn ugly. 

She says in the book "When my ugly comes out, I am so often tempted to think that God leaves me.  I wouldn't blame Him.  Who wouldn't want to get away from someone with an ungrateful hear and a stinky attitude?"  She goes on to say that "God is too full of grace to walk away.  Grace doesn't give me a free pass to act out how I feel, with no regard to His commands.  Rather His grace gives me consolation in the moment, with a challenge to learn from this situation and become more mature in the future.  Grace is the sugar that helps the bitter pills of confession and repentance go down without choking.  Grace is the reason I can go to God quickly, immediately - before I'm cleaned up - and boldly ask for His help.  In the midst of my mess, God is there."

The sermon on Sunday talked about having a generous soul and what did that look like.  The sermon took a long hard look at materialism.  I learned about focusing on the needs of others.  I learned that "it's not my stuff - Lord, it's yours ... you made it, it all belongs to you and it's going back to you."  I learned that I need to practice gratitude.

Lysa's book reinforced to me that I need to remember to Praise God in my circumstances, Praise Him despite my circumstances.  She says "Praise is the key that releases God's character back into even the ugliest of attitudes and darkest of situations.  Praise pulls back the dark curtains and breathes fresh life into a weak and weary soul."

She talked about recognizing why "my ugly comes out."  To look at my life and see what I might be doing/not doing that can create an ugliness.  There were 5 things she suggested:

1) am I overly tired?
2) am I overcommitted?
3) have I compromised some of my healthy boundaries lately?
4) is there sin in my life I'm avoiding?
5) do I have things on my calendar to look forward to?

Hmm, #5 is a really interesting question.  I'm sure tiredness and annoyance with my kids, life, etc. is what usually brings out my ugly and bad attitude.  I never thought about not having anything to look forward to can create in me ugliness too.  In thinking about this, I'm sure it's true in my life and getting caught in just doing what I need to do and having a bad attitude about having to do so much without having something to look forward to can keep me in my bad attitude and ugliness.

I've been so focused for so long on the needs of my family (kids, husband, job, etc.) that I've truly forgotten to do things that are enjoyable just for me.  Sure, I find the time to read a book every now and then (and yes, I do feel sometimes that I should be doing something else instead of reading a book).  I do truthfully, go to Bible Study for my own enrichment and growth, it is something that I do make a point to do for myself.  I also listen to various sermons online strickly for growth.  But what do I do that strickly just for fun, just because I "want to"?

I started thinking about Thanksgiving coming up and November starting next week.  I started thinking about doing the thankfulness cards again for the kids.  I remembered last year how I wanted to make a quilt to put the cards in, but never did.  This thinking sparked in me the desire to make that quilt.  It created a joy and desire to put it together.  To go through my fabric piles and dust off my sewing machine.

The next chapter in Lysa's book is "How Jesus helps me get my groove back".  One of the key points is that "thankfulness breeds thankfulness.  The more we practice it, the more we'll live thankgiving out loud.  And the more we live it out loud, the more thanksgiving will become the natural grove of our hearts."

So while it has been a crazy and day, I'm thankful that God provides, He Cares, He Loves Me.  I'm thankful that He cares about Hershey and that the tumor was able to be fully removed.  I'm thankful that Has given me time to reflect on my day and shown me areas of growth opportunities and ways to get out of my habit of ugliness and bad attitudes.

I'm thankful that God never stops teaching me how to live more & more like Jesus.  I pray that He will work in my heart to get the uglies out and to praise & thank Him often.  I'm looking forward to working on my Thanksgiving quilt.  I'm looking forward to focusing all of November on Thankfulness.  30 days of Praise & Thanksgiving!  I can't wait!!

Thank you for reading my random blog ... it's been quite a day, that's for sure!!  Let me know your thoughts ... I enjoy reading your comments!

Ears ...

Growing up, I went to Christian Schools K-12.  It was what was important to my parents and it eventually became important to me too.  In 4th Grade my Dad became a teacher and continued teaching 1 more year after I graduated from High School.  It was a sacrifice of love for all his kids.  While it didn't feel like it at the time, looking back, I can see my parents love in the choices that they made for their kids.  And, I'm doing the same for my kids.

So one of the memories I have of my dad when we were in school was a sermon he did in chapel.  All the men teachers had to take turns preaching during chapel at Heritage Baptist Academy in Antioch, CA.  He preached on Mark 4:9 "And he said unto them, He that hath ears to hear, let him hear."  We used the King James Version back then, and it stuck in my mind, so that's why I used it here.

I remember that he had a prop for the sermon, he used a telephone.  I remember him saying often during the sermon, sometimes loudly to demonstrate how our ears hear (I think) ... He that hath ears to hear, let him hear.  I don't know why this suck in my head or made such an impression on me.  I was either in 7th or 8th grade at the time, but that's one of my memories of my dad.  I know he used the sermon again in a different school, but the 1st time he preached that verse, it made an impression.

So I said all that because right now, I can't hear in one of my ears, my left ear to be exact.  It reminded me of the verse that I learned so long ago.  It talks about hearing, which is not something I'm currently doing well.  I did a quick Bible search online (via BibleGateway.com) and see that the Bible mentions the the following words:

ears is found in 81 verses
hear is found in 358 verses
hears is found in 53 verses
hearing is found in 55 verses
heard is found in 559 verses
listen is found in 332 verses

Interesting huh?  It's an important topic ... many of God's people say they "heard" from the Lord and God says to the Israelites that He "heard them".  Proverbs is full of verses that say "listen to me".  Many verses in Psalms are crying out to God to "hear" them. 

It shows me how important it is that we hear and listen to God (and others).  I am especially aware hearing right now and the limitations you have on life without both ears working properly.

Here's what I've noticed:

- Driving is dangerous with only 1 ear working, you can't hear traffic coming the other direction.

- Singing at church is interesting because you mainly hear yourself (I think that's how someone came up with the term singing in their head - they must have been lacking in working ears at the time) ... can't quite tell if your on key with everyone else (although you hope you are :-) ... you can hear the musicians, but once you start singing your head voice competes with the others.

- Every day "white/background" noises become so much louder.  You hear everything, nothing is filtered out.  The white noises are truly as loud as people talking to you and it's difficult to focus on the people talking vs. the annoying white noises (like wind, music, ice machines/soda machines, coolers, fans, computers, etc.).

- You feel like only half of your head is working and you can't quite tell which direction things are coming from.

- It's "work" to listen to others ... you really have to concentrate on paying attention when others are talking.

- Sleeping, when you finally get some after the terrible pain, is fantastic because I can't hear the hubby snore ... of course, if there was a fire or the kids were screaming, if I was sleeping with my good ear on the pillow, I wouldn't hear it, so that's not so good.

- Talking to people in crowded places is difficult, I've had to have Guillermo help me because I can't figure out what people are saying - ugh!

- It's kind of nice telling the kids that I can't hear them - LOL, of course, it is true, most of the time they are talking to me around walls, which is fine when both ears worked, not so good with only one.

- Taking a shower is interesting because you really, really hear the water hitting your head and it's loud in your head ... so weird!

- I think the most significant thing I've experienced is that how much we really need both ears for hearing things properly.  With just one working ear, your not able to filter out the background noises.  Everything that comes into your ears are truly at the same volume ... you do hear everything all at once ... it's an onslaught of loud noises - Crazy!

Well, that's the story of my ears ... I sure do miss hearing and I'm praying that I can hear with both ears soon!  Right now, I'm just so thankful that the pain has diminished and I can function without needing 4 Advil's every 6 hours!  Praise the Lord for small victories!!